and oh dear about joshua. he talked to me yesterday finally... but only for a little bit. all i got out of it was that he's mad at me for being too chubby and that he really didn't love her the same way. stupid girl. i don't give a shit about what they did. but i HURT THAT HE STILL TALKS TO HER. and i hurt that he doesnt talk to me. wouldn't that terrify you? he's being so silly. very silly. doesn't he know that he's taking a very long time to forgive me? he loves me. joshua loves jessica. i'm 100% sure of it.
i don't know what to do with myself. it sucks that i can't stay in bed all day long. i'm thinking maybe keeping the $2000 for lipo and using the money i make at work for paris? and um. i am lost. it's kinda scary, cuz he's seemed kinda cold. although it's always hard to tell how a person is feeling through im conversations. i am lost and scared and very lonely. i don't like having no one to talk to. i almost went to a counsellor the other day. they made me sit in the waiting room though... so i had a chance to back out, and i did.
when will i stop feeling so pathetic?