that girl from somewhere (bare_my_soul) wrote,
that girl from somewhere

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i'm not a perfect person
there's many things i wish i didn't do
but i continue learning
i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt you
it's something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through
i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why i need you to hear

i've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that i do
and the reason is you

ahhhhhhhhhhh *relaxed sigh* i kinda feel better now. much more at ease. random people are so nice. this is why i like lj. random internet people.
i miss my happiness though. i wish things were good right now.
earlier today i was scaring myself a lot. i kept wanting to die. so this is just in case i impulsively throw myself in front of speeding traffic:

random happy memories

-the filming of the blair witch project
-backstreet boys sleepovers
-crazy 8’s countdown at the waterpark
-the bakery every morning in the south of france
-building sandcastles with my family
-“doesn’t that hurt?” peeling off nail polish
-coconut ice cream at the palais versailles
-my sister’s homemade coconut ice cream
-coconut ice cream at lake geneva
-we love morgan lamb 9-4!!!!
-alex’s room with katrina and debbie
-hot bikini models on our GIRLS WRESTLING CHAMPIONS cake
-eating that cake
-jessica mooney’s leather chair
-surprise party for my 15th birthday <3
-joshua trying to read the sign at the zoo
-my mother wore a gold chain and when she held me in her arms when i cried it’d make me feel better…. or something
-my babysitter shannon. omg i loved you
-swimming pool in the backyard
-bus driver nicole
-trick or treating with peter and company
-trick or treating with christina and company
-trick or treating with my sister
-trick or treating last year with soraya and jane
-trick or treating till the day i die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-mcqueen’s uptown 500$ dinner
-mother’s day run and walk
-mother’s day brunch at kananaskis
-camping in oregon
-all the boys i had crushes on. *ahem* ready? andrew t, kyle m, jarid m, daniel n, jeff d, david m, david n, morgan LAMB, nick d, simon r, scott, george. mostly jeffrey lol.
-f.d. guy, a.s. guy, someone number one and someone number two!!!!
-nick’s song to me
-nick carter
-driving down crowchild for the first time sans parents
-walking to the volleydome and back TWICE
-beach volleyball at the volleydome
-learning to swim…
-learning to blow my nose underwater
-taking pictures underwater
-the cookie monster
-work christmas parties… the ones where kids get presents!
-my bunk bed
-sweet valley high books…. never forget that first one :)
-tv after school
-mme mckintee
-monkey. i named my teddy bear monkey thing ‘monkey’. melanie named her monkey monkey too. one day at the store the lady said “what are their names?” and i said “monkey.” and she said “monkey.” “just monkey?” she asked. i nodded.
-free pony rides at iga
-the wave pool with danusia
-lasertag for all those birthday parties
-waking up to balloons at my host family’s place on my birthday. how sweet
-air hockey
-camp sleepaway lol
-camp cadicasu
-camp terre des jeaunes
-ymca day camp
-swim and fun camp
-pioneer ranch camp
-mini university
-nakiska activity camp thing… whatever it was called
-frau moes
-my canker sore… made me cry when jessica hugged me
-my junior high friends… m-p, danusia, isabella, george, chelsey, erica, and jessica m.
-christina and soooooooooooooo much… so many times together
-sports day at st luke’s
-field trips to the inglewood bird sanctuary
-passing notes at the inglewood bird sanctuary
-disecting owl poop, sheep brains, hearts and lungs, cow eyeballs and… k that’s all
-wayyy too much sugar in that coffee at c.o.p.
-lake louise with george and christina
-beaver tails (not elephant ears)
-the bug club
-EARL wow if there is such thing as a perfect man, EARL would be him
-my diary… been keeping one since grade 4 or 5
-“JESSICA MOONEY, GIVE IT TO ME!!!!” in front of the whole class, in tears, over a pencil sharperner… yup.
-standing there like a dear stuck in headlights, then being surrounded and attacked by 5 guys with buckets of water and water guns with safety locks
-capture the flag
-the bunny
-playing reboot
-playing sonic the hedgehog with my cousins… or my nephews… or my cousin’s kids… or my cousin’s parents… or something. i don’t know who they are. it has to do with cousins.
-kinder surprise
-family gatherings
-my extended family
-mes amies nicole et genevieve
-collecting caterpillars
throwing the iceball at the kid with glasses
-“don’t do that” when kyle kissed me on the cheek in grade one for no apparent reason… the older girls laughed at us.
-the first time joshua kissed me
-dances in junior high
-“hey david..will you dance with jessica?” “which one?” “umm.. moon..i mean armand” “okay.”
-when amy and natalie blindfolded their bfs and pushed them down the snowy hill.
-grad night… nose hill park, bp’s, tired driving around, screaming and happiness
-grade nine grad… dinner at nick’s, brett showed me his sensitive side for the first time in 6 years, steak on a bun lol
-camp evergreen!!! grade 6 retreat… kiss the rain… catching bugs… same cabin as all my friends… jeff outside when we were still in our pjs
-grade 9 retreat!!! wherever that was… food, karaoke, beach volleyball in the rain… yearbook pics and speeches
-corie rochon and carol-ann coates
-miss mary mack and other hand games
-paul bit me on the shoulder
-my cuzzy wuzzy
-pedro the black rabbit.. and my deceased other pets: snowball the white hamster, coco the green parakeet, frank the first the blue betta, first kiss the pink betta, and baby hope the multicoloured hamster.
-my still alive pets: titi the blue parakeet (who lives with vinny), frank the second the blue betta, joshua the red betta, and NICKY THE BLIND POODLE
-my doggy’s unconditional love for me (well as long as i keep petting him)
-vinny malhotra and her friendship
-deciding to go to public school…. oh, not everyone is catholic.
-joining as many clubs as possible in high school
-first wrestling road trip.. toothpaste on the receiver
-breaking that girl’s neck in edmonton… took like 30 mins for the ambulance to take her away.
-running around and going for fries with brit
-hating brit at first then loving her later
-ppl on the wrestling team… anne, brit, lucie, vanessa, laura, janelle, katrina, debbie, alex, erica wang,
-going through the mcdonalds drive through in a school bus..we opened all the windows down one side and ordered one at a time
-high river tournaments… cheerleaders???
-booster juice
-erica’s friendship
-going to chapters and west rock café with george, malorie and others
-the birds liked joshua in chicago pet stores
-san antonio
-makeshift christmas dinner table in san antonio
-christmas in july? no just christmas in florida
-happy surprises… makes me feel loved
-cellular telephones
-free corn dogs
-sunset on the ocean
-goofy goofy goofy goofy…. omg
-falling off a horse and getting stepped on the head
-almost drowning in glacier water
-the bubble car… spit, sean, and perogies
-lesbian experiences with chelsey
-falling in love over the internet
-fresh strawberries in quebec
-toronto for the weekend
-hanging out with erica and muffy… in our bras.
-shoe shopping for grad
-my mom made my grad dresses
-trevor calling me beautiful
-never ever doing my homework
-white tigers in vegas
-baking carrot cookies for my mom and grandma
-calvin klein escape
-bleaching my poor hair zillions of times
-being a tiger cub at the zoo the day we skipped school with permission
-the heritage fair (grade nine)
-the science fair (grade eleven)
-going to chicago alone
-hugging paul and telling him i loved him after running through the sprinklers
-going out with danny even though erica said not to
-losing joel to erica even though i found him first
-never telling erica about paul
-making my own mouse pad
-mme laforte
-madeleine d’houet…
-“CAN YOU PLEASE SIGN MY AGENDA???” crying in front of the whole class… again. but that time girls were being bitches to me. great times lol
-stealing from the chinese store
-breakfast at that place on 19th
-“breakfast” with joshua
-2 minutes for breakfast on that one wrestling trip
-losing 6 kilos, but no weigh-ins that tournament
-chinatown with christina… food and lucky coins
-when the french counselor bought me a present for my birthday
-singing happy birthday to you ME
-erica’s 13th
-playing barbie with melanie
-having a french accent
-the neighbourhood kids
-finding out carol-ann lives on my street
-that one neighbourhood get-together with the parachute
-christina’s dad’s place
-christina’s mom’s new place
-how to hold a library book
-free movie passes
-free hockey tickets.. popcorn, box seats
-singing with ashleen on the bus
-the shop bus… the shop bus :) “i haven’t eaten today…” and ten cent therapy
-“he is a weight on the bottom of your foot”
-ashleen’s weird dreams
-singing.. jess said i could sing. erica thought she could sing. m-p actually could sing
-christina’s boyfriends… so many boyfriends
-christina mack, nicole pun and amanda ditomaso.. my best friends in grade three even though they didn’t know it.
-soraya… my current best friend. an amazing girl
-the beach… in bc, sandpoint, pei, with joshua, with family, with friends, BEACHES
-loving being a bitch in junior high
-miss morice
-wrestling practice
-my wrestling coach..
-and the big heart award goes to.. jessica ******
-computer… so much on the computer
-banff with joshua
-bragg creek
-eating ice cream from the tub with 9 other girls
-attacking that guy on the face with marker… graffiti lol
-marker fights in elementary and junior high
-“let me write on your arm”
-“geez what is it, did somebody die?” “actually, yes, so shut up jeff.”
-that moment he smiled at me and i started crushing on him again in grade nine
-KISSES from jeff ******* at scott’s party
-also from keith
-spin the bottle
-licking geoge’s ear
-kissing girls
-kissing chels for the first time in front of erica… lol
-fishing in the pond
-fishing in ontario…. i caught a fish!
-frog hunting
-christina realizing “this is the only time this moment will ever exist”
-hanging out at c.o.p…. at the top. at the bottom… awful snow.. ski bus
-snowboarding at sunshine.. only 3 runs lol
-doing absolutely nothing but bugging joshua at sunshine
-la cabane a sucre
-teaching french
-singing french camp songs
-singing them on the bus with the swse ppl
-jeff mo’s christmas present: pencils for writing tests
-my “mentally sick days” once a month in j.h.
-hiking in kananaskis with the family
-that family trip to b.c. where i wanted to call simon rodrigue, and i was so relzxed, and i watched ‘my girl’ twice in a row and cried hysterically both times
-eau claire with camps
-eau claire with erica
-eau claire with joshua
-eau claire by myself
-disney movies
-the neighbour’s cat that coughed
-skipping rope
-the tv
-our hands in the jar of jam
-melanie always copied me
-finding the giant seashell
-working at stampede
-getting lost in calgary
-a birthday party for me in quebec <3
-my room.. my house
-my daily commutes.. and love for routine
-first days of school
-first days of summer break
-flying in airplanes
-ninja turtle cake for my sister
-sleepovers with christina
-sleepovers with erica
-truth or dare
-petting the elephant’s trunk
-buying birds
-kiss goodnight from my teacher in grade 2
-“happy anniversary” from joshua
-falling in love
-feeling loved
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